Go Tokyo Your Experience
How to distinguish careless relationships? The dilemma of transitioning from a ‘cannon friend’ to a ‘counselor’
In modern social relationships, many people encounter situations that may seem intimate but can be unsettling. Your friend seems to be in a “strange” relationship: at first, she thought it was just a “gunfight” relationship, but later she started sharing her feelings and even telling her childhood trauma, which made her mistakenly believe that the other person was sincere to her. But the problem is that the other party has not shown any actual action of wanting to have a serious relationship, and instead always takes the initiative to contact when they need physical or psychological comfort. Faced with such a predicament, she fell into a state of “seasickness” and couldn’t extricate herself.
So, does being willing to share your thoughts mean that the other person is sincere? The answer may not be that simple.
1. Treat you as a counselor, not a partner
In a relationship, when the other person confides in you about their feelings and worries, it may seem like a sign of trust on the surface, but it also implies a deeper relationship between you. But in fact, this situation may also be that the other party only sees you as an emotional support object and does not see you as an equal partner. According to the analysis of Thought Catalog, ‘treating you as a counselor’ is a common warning signal in relationships, where the other party may be just using your patience and understanding, rather than wanting to develop a deeper relationship.
2. You always take the initiative to meet
In an unequal relationship, you may find yourself almost always the one who initiates meetings and plans activities. This proactive behavior may seem like a concern, but in reality, it is because the other party doesn’t care whether they meet or not. If you stop actively contacting, the other party may not even actively seek you out. In this case, you may be just one option among the other party’s many choices, rather than the first choice.
3. I have never met his friends or family before
Whether a person takes you seriously can be judged by whether they are willing to introduce you into their life. If he never mentions his family and friends, or finds various excuses to avoid meeting them, then he may not have intended for you to truly integrate into his life. This kind of “hidden” relationship behavior often means that the other party does not have the willingness to make long-term commitments.
4. Intimate amnesia
The so-called ‘intimacy amnesia’ refers to the situation where when you mention intimate moments or profound conversations between two people, the other person appears completely unrecognizable. This indicates that he is not truly invested in your relationship, and even doesn’t care about the details of getting along. This kind of amnesia is not unintentional, but because he never regarded these moments as important memories.
5. Don’t waste time on insincere people
If you feel confused in this relationship and observe these signs, then you can roughly judge that the other party is not taking the relationship seriously. If you try to communicate deeply with him and clarify your thoughts, but the other party is unwilling to give a commitment, procrastinates or even avoids the problem, then the answer is actually very obvious: the other party is not planning to invest in a serious relationship.
Don’t waste time in unequal relationships
The most important thing in a relationship is that both parties can give and respond equally. If you find yourself trapped in a relationship with no future and the other person is always in a state of indecision, then you should bravely choose to draw a line for yourself. Don’t mistakenly believe that this relationship has a future just because of brief intimacy or the other person’s emotional confession.Hesitation and procrastination are themselves forms of refusalYou have the right to find someone who is more suitable and genuinely serious about you.
Remind your friend that there are too many signs of inequality in this relationship, and she should decisively set boundaries for herself, stop getting caught up in internal conflicts, and find someone truly worth her effort.