Go Tokyo Your Experience
Many people have an idealized image of Japanese women, thinking they are gentle and willing to care for their families. However, Japan has recently been embroiled in intense discussions about “cuckoo parenting” (letting the husband raise a child fathered by another man). The program “ABEMA Prime” recently interviewed a 30-year-old man who, after starting his own family, discovered by chance that his mother had cheated on his father and that his biological father was someone else!
The term “cuckoo parenting” has gained traction on Japanese social media recently. It originally describes how cuckoos or other birds lay eggs in other birds’ nests, leaving them to raise their young. Nowadays, it refers to women letting their husbands raise children fathered by other men. These women are called “cuckoo wives,” similar to what Hong Kongers refer to as “raising a cheap son.”
A British study from 2005 found that one in 25 people have a different biological father than the one they know. Japanese relationship writer Sawae Kameyama stated, “While the prevalence of cuckoo parenting is increasing, few people feel guilty about it.” She added that discussions with obstetricians and gynecologists revealed that cuckoo parenting is more common in Japan than previously thought. The reasons vary: some cases involve infidelity within marriage leading to pregnancy, while others occur because the woman wants to keep the genes of the affair partner.
In an interview on “ABEMA Prime,” a man known by the pseudonym “Udon Set Meal” shared his story. Last year, during a company health check, he discovered his actual blood type was A, while both his parents were O. It is genetically impossible for two O-type parents to have an A-type child. After learning his true blood type, he called his mother. Initially silent, she finally told him, “Don’t tell Dad about this,” and gradually revealed the truth. “Udon Set Meal” was initially shocked but soon felt disappointed and disgusted with his mother.
He had never suspected his mother of infidelity, believing his parents’ relationship to be harmonious. “I called my mother just in case,” he said. But when she said, “Don’t tell Dad,” he felt that the family’s harmony was at risk of falling apart. He decided to keep the secret from his father and brother, fearing that knowing the truth would bring unhappiness.
Learning that he was the result of an affair caused him to doubt himself. He felt empty and began to resent his mother. Knowing she had cheated made him feel both disgusted with her and regretful about being born. Unable to confide in anyone, he felt helpless. Now that he has his own family and is a father himself, he empathizes more with his father and has begun to suspect his own wife.
Despite everything, he is grateful to the father who raised him. “I owe my current self to my dad,” he said, acknowledging the care his father had given him. Yet he pitied his father, who had lovingly raised a child that wasn’t his own. Learning about his mother’s betrayal earlier than his father made him feel even more sorrow for his father. He also has a brother who is his parents’ biological child. When with his family, he tries to forget everything and maintain the previous relationship as his mother wished.
Although he knows his biological father’s name, he has no desire to meet him. “My biological father doesn’t care about me and didn’t take responsibility for raising me; he’s living freely now,” he said, expressing his disdain for his biological father.
Sawae Kameyama pointed out that legally, a husband can claim compensation from a cuckoo wife. Depending on the duration of the deception, the manner of discovery, and the wife’s awareness of her actions, the compensation can be up to 4 million yen (about HK$200,000), with an average of 2.5 million yen (about HK$125,000). Previous divorce rulings for hiding a child from an affair have awarded up to 4 million yen in damages.
Japanese netizens have heavily criticized cuckoo wives, with many calling them “disgusting” and “awful,” and expressing sympathy for the deceived husbands and children. Comments such as “The deceived husband is so pitiful; he should divorce quickly,” and “The child is also very unfortunate,” reflect the widespread sentiment. Some netizens even suggested harsher punishments based on the number of years the deception lasted, hoping to crack down on cuckoo parenting.