Go Tokyo Your Experience
Redefining happiness: from ‘sensible adults’ to’ happy children ‘
Once upon a time, I always regarded “happiness” as a must answer exam question, thinking that as long as I followed the steps, practiced enough, and solved the problem according to the formula, I could get the answer. However, reality is much more complex than what is portrayed in TV dramas. As an ordinary person, why is the process of pursuing happiness so difficult?
Pursuing perfection: I used to think that being sensible would bring happiness
For many years, I have been hoping to play the role of a “sensible adult” in relationships, thinking that stable emotions, mature rationality, and striving for progress can lead to happiness. I strive to become a model for the new women of the times in people’s hearts, not only fully committed to emotions, but also able to share various responsibilities in life with my partner. I even thought that as long as I am good enough, I will definitely get the happiness I deserve.
However, the emotional life in reality is not as smooth as I imagined. The road of love for more than ten years is not paved with the sweet flower road I expected, but with stumbling and thorns along the way.
Self inspiration: perfection does not necessarily mean being cherished
Looking back, I realize that those thoughts of ‘I am so good and will definitely be cherished’ are actually just my comfort to myself. Emotional stability does not mean suppressing feelings, and maturity does not mean ignoring problems. Striving to improve has turned me into a workaholic who doesn’t know how to rest. I have been playing the role of ‘Pick me girl’, sacrificing myself and catering to others in order to achieve my ideal love.
Unfortunately, reality has dealt me a heavy blow. I once broke up with a seemingly perfect ex boyfriend who was discussing marriage. The various problems and accusations in the relationship made me realize that even if I am “sensible” and perfect, I cannot exchange the love and cherish I expected. Those efforts are only self motivation and ultimately cannot achieve true happiness.
Another solution to happiness: be a happy child again
In order to heal my emotional wounds, I decided to resign at the age of 30 and travel alone to Bali for a month. There, I stayed in a simple backpacker hostel and no longer pursued a comfortable life in order to save money. One day, I accidentally met him on the nearby beach.
At that time, I didn’t dress up carefully, going bare faced, wearing slippers, and shorts like pajamas. And he doesn’t even know my age. We started chatting naturally and hit it off immediately upon our first meeting.
We surf and cook together, play and chase on the beach like children. In the process of getting along, I no longer need to play the role of the emotionally stable, mature and rational “sensible adult”, nor do I have to think about whether I am “qualified” enough. We were mischievous and played together, rediscovering the simple joy of childhood.
Becoming a ‘happy child’: Happiness is no longer the standard answer
Nowadays, I am living very well with him. Although there is no guarantee that we will grow old together in the future, I know that my past ‘perfect self’ did not bring much happiness. I would rather be a happy child and fully enjoy the simple joys of life during the time spent together than blindly pursuing the role of a “respectable adult” in my relationship.
Perhaps happiness does not necessarily need to be pursued step by step. Knowing how to release stress and return to a simple and happy self is another way to achieve happiness.